5 Months Old

Baby girl

I can't promise this letter will be well written, but I'm writing to you because you need to know how deeply, head over heals, in love I am with you. And it's been awhile since I've written an update. I need to put to words how wonderful you are and how precious you are to me. 

Alaythea Grace, my sweet sweet baby girl. For so long I prayed for you.  So many years I've longed to be a mommy and despite the hard first 3 months - it was worth it. 

Every second. 

I wouldn't change a single thing. 

3 Days Old

4 Days Old 

6 Days Old

The first few weeks you were home, while I put you to bed I would just hold you, rock you, and sit there crying tears of complete and utter joy for my healthy, beautiful baby girl. (It also may have had something to do with my hormones all out of whack and running on about 4 hours of sleep, but there was a true joy, that I have never felt until I held you for the first time) I thanked God over and over for blessing me with the ability to have a child, to be able to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery, the ability to nurse, and to hold you. 

You my sweet baby have filled my heart with so much joy and love that it often feels so full that it overflows. And the only way the bursting pure joy can escape me is with happy tears. My heart just can't stand it.

One Month Old

One of my favorite things to do was (and still is) to put my cheek on your face and smell your skin. That has to be one of the most beautiful things about being able to rock you to sleep. 

You turned 2 months and started to get a lot more head strength.

Daddy helping you burp

You also had more peaceful waking moments.

Tummy Time

You started to smile at me

Helping me make apple crisp

 You started to soak in your environment and really start to concentrate

Your daddy and I continued to fall madly, deeply, in love with you

And can you blame us...just look at those eyes.

At three months old you still were not taking regular or long naps. Some days I had to hold you just so you could sleep. At times I got frustrated because I couldn't get housework done. But one thing I tried very hard not to do is let housework or any other work come in between time with you. I keep hearing this will go fast that I'm always trying my hardest to put you first and soak in every moment I get with you. You won't always be this small and you won't always need me. 

So I let you fall asleep nursing and I'd hold you.

And I held you. 

You started to develop a charming, sweet personality

At four months your development seems to have really taken off. You have rolled from your belly to back and back to belly. You're not a fan of it, but you've done it! You can sit with help. You're so strong! You're LAUGHING! Oh are you laughing. It has to be one of the best sounds in the world. You also enjoy when I read you books!

Christmas Morning

You're five months old now and I feel like so much time has passed. So much I want to teach you. So much I want to change in myself before you learn from my bad habits. I don't want to have any regrets or missed out time with you. I will try my hardest to document all the special moments with you. 

I love you my Gracie girl

You're Here

My Sweet Alaythea Grace,
It's been so long since I've written. This should be a clear sign to you just how busy, and tiring, it is being a new mommy, who also works part time. You're currently down for a nap in your crib. You were fussy in your bouncy seat so I changed you then laid you down - wide awake - in your crib. This is a first for us so we'll see how you do. You don't like to take naps. I think it's because you're afraid you'll miss out on all the fun...just like mama.

Someday I will write your birth story but in the mean time I thought I'd catch you up on what life has been like for the last 3.5 months.

The first few weeks were horrible. It wasn't at all what I thought. You cried...a lot. You nursed...a lot. You slept...a lot. And you pooped...a lot! And that's about all you did. Your daddy and I didn't get much sleep and we pretty much took turns holding you and changing you and nursing, oh wait just I nursed you :) You didn't like to sleep unless we held you - upright. When you were awake you didn't like to be held.

Everything I thought would happen, like with most newborns, wasn't at all how you were. I thought I could hold you, like a baby, and that when you were awake I could hold you, and you wouldn't fuss. After every feeding you would scream. It wasn't until you were 5 weeks old that we got you on a beautiful drug called Zantac. Nunu spent 8 hours with you and learned that I wasn't making things up, you were in pain and made a quick call to your doctor and got you on the drugs! Yay for Nunu and drugs!

You HATED being passed around, still do, which made the constant flow of visitors even more stressful. We have a TON of people that love us and that now love you! It was very hard as a new mommy to have all that attention. Everyone wanted to bring us meals and hold you and chat. And all I wanted was food, sleep, quite, and wine. Fortunately, the guests didn't stay long, but it was so hard on me. It was good for your daddy to have other people around to help take care of you and to talk to someone other than his zombie wife...but that first week was hard.

Although you were (and are) so beautiful that it made it really easy to put up with all the crying, poop and painful nursing sessions.

This was the day after we brought you home...just look at that beautiful face. 

After we got you on Zantac you started to be less fussy. You were fine during the days, but right when daddy got home you would start your 3-4 hours crying fest and that's all daddy heard from you. It was hard for you two to bond.

One Week Old

Alaythea Grace,
Today you're one week old! So much has changed in your dad and I's life and I couldn't be happier. All of the fears I had a few weeks ago have slipped my mind as I have turned auto pilot on and survive the day. I have loved every minute of motherhood and I am so excited for these next few weeks that you and I have together.

We're working on helping you sleep without being held and sometimes it's the hardest thing to put in down. I love holding you, kissing your head, smelling you close to me and hearing your squeaks. I know it's good for us but it doesn't mean it's easy.

I've learned somethings in these last few weeks that I never thought I would:

1. Being a mom is awesome
2. I can survive on intervals of 2 hours a sleep with a total of 4-6 hours a night.
3. I now understand what women mean when they say breast feeding is the most wonderful things a mother can do.
4. Taking a shower really does make you feel like a new woman.
5. Your dad and I have never discussed poop as much as we have this week.

Happy Birthday Alaythea Grace!

Today you were born

7 lbs. 1 oz. 21 inches

And you're more beautiful and healthy than I ever imagined.

I'm proud of myself for all the hard work it took to get you into this world,

I'm proud of your daddy for the way he loves and cares for you,

I'm proud of you for being so strong and understanding of our learning curve.

You're our perfect baby girl

and we couldn't be happier to be your parents.

Bump 39 Weeks!

How far along: 39 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 34?

Maternity clothes: Yes

Have you started to show yet: Yes
Stretch marks: Just the tiny one where my stupid piercing was
Sleep: I've been sleeping great except I'm up to two potty breaks a night

Food cravings: Lofthouse cookies! I wouldn't call it a craving, but I love my morning PB&J toast and my evening Frosted Mini Wheat snack!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not at all. 
Best moment(s) this week: Resting, 

Worst moment(s) this week: Waiting for you!

Miss Anything: Many things...shaving my legs without taking breaks to breath, putting lotion on my feet, my wedding rings, seeing my feet...

Movement: Yes, although not as much as usual. I think you're running out of room!
Belly Button in or out: Out
Wedding rings on or off: Off
Mood: Happy and anxious
Weekly Wisdom: Yoga Ball, and give into a craving every now and then :)

Symptoms: Pretty much the same as last week swollen and puffy, BHs are more frequent, right hand it almost always a little numb, I wake up with numb and tingly hands every morning, lower back pain and cramps, possibly losing my mucus plug (lovely - I know).

Looking forward to: Meeting you!

THIS is what "Any day now" looks like...

I couldn't help but remember my first offensive comment the other night as I put on the same tank top I wore when I was 26ish weeks (photo on the left). Now being 38ish weeks (photo on the right) I have to laugh that THIS is what "any day now" looks like...clearly there is a difference. 

Cravings part II

Your dad is pretty much the best...

...and they're even pink :)

letter #20

My baby girl,

So many people are getting very excited to meet you. This week I started getting a lot of texts and emails from people saying they are praying for us. And can actually hear the excitement in their written words.

With every little pain or slight discomfort, I convince myself that I'm going into labor. I know the exhaustion will only get worse, but all of these false "signs" are tiring. We still have one week until you're officially ready, so I'm not sure why this anticipation is getting so hard.

I still don't feel ready for you. The nursery is as done as it's going to be, you have enough clothes - and they're all clean - your carseat is installed, the diaper bag is packed and we have enough diapers to last us at least 9 months (give or take). But emotionally I just don't feel ready. I feel like I am too young to be having a child of my own. I'm too immature to be responsible for another human. It's a little funny, I'm 27 and feel too young. Maybe inexperienced is a better word. I always thought I'd have things figured out, I'd be wiser, more fit, more confident, but I guess there are some things you just can't prepare enough for.

Love your anxious mama

Cravings...

I've been wanting Lofthouse sugar cookies since last night - I know that does not seem like a long time, but trust me, it's been hard to resist driving to the store! Lofthouse cookies are probably my all time favorite store bought cookie and possibly even my favorite cookie. I'm not sure what's wrong with me that I love store bought cookies that much but they are like crack and I need a fix! 

Instead I'm settling for some fresh juicy peaches and delicious ripe raspberries. You always get super wiggly after I eat a healthy dose of fresh fruit...

...but for some reason that didn't give this crack head her fix...

Bump 38 Weeks!

How far along: 38 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 31 (apparently I made up for the weight loss :))

Maternity clothes: Yes

Have you started to show yet: Yes
Stretch marks: Still just the tiny one where my piercing was
Sleep: I've been sleeping great until my bathroom(s) breaks then go right back to sleep. I've been tempted to crawl to the bathroom a few times because my body aches when I first wake up...but then I think getting up from the floor would be harder than rolling out of bed so I suck it up and walk the 10 steps to the bathroom.

Food cravings: Same as the last few weeks, ice, ice water, peanut butter & grape jelly toast still and really loving Frosted Mini Wheat!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Best moment(s) this week: Resting, making you hair bows, going on a date with daddy (Jeff's Coney's), going to the pool, I spent a few hours prepping food and snacks for the week. 

Worst moment(s) this week: Just being patient waiting for you!

Miss Anything: Many things...

Movement: Yes
Belly Button in or out: Out
Wedding rings on or off: Off
Mood: Happy and anxious
Weekly Wisdom: Float in a pool...it's amazing and keep up the yoga ball!

Symptoms: Pretty much the same as last week swollen and puffy, BHs are more frequent, I usually wake up with swollen and numb hands. My hands feel like they are filled up water gloves. Pretty sexy. I've been having some cramps. I'm also ALMOST 2 cm!

Looking forward to: Meeting you!

In Other News...

I made you headbands! 

I made this one for you to wear when you and daddy watch the Cowboys!

What's in my diaper bag?

I packed your bag the other night. I hope I'm not forgetting anything!

1. Hooter Hider (classy name right?!) 2. Blankets 3. Socks 4. Hand mittens 5. Hats 6. Sleep Sacks 7. Wipes and diapers 8. Desitin 9. Baby powder 10. Trash bags and a refill 11. Hand sanitizer 12. Aquaphor 13. Nail clippers 14. Lanolin 15. Pacifiers 16. Nursing pads 17. Going home outfit 18. Hand wipes

Bump 37 Weeks!

How far along: 37 weeks & 1 day
Total weight gain/loss: 29 (I lost a pound from the last visit!)

Maternity clothes: Yes

Have you started to show yet: Clearly this is a yes! (horizontal stripes don't hide this!)
Stretch marks: Still just the tiny one where my piercing was
Sleep: Doing better than I was a few weeks ago. I do get up at least once a night, the most I went this week was 3 times in one night. When I wake up my belly is in pain from being on my side for so long. I'll typically wake up with a big BH and nervous that I was squishing you all night!

Food cravings: Ice, ice water, peanut butter & grape jelly toast still and really loving Frosted Mini Wheat!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Best moment(s) this week: SEEING YOUR FACE! We had an ultrasound on Wednesday (because I was measuring small) and we got to see your face! You also opened and shut your mouth for us! Your daddy said he was disappointed we didn't get to see all of you but your too big now. We both think you're already the cutest baby we've ever seen! You weigh 6 lbs. 10 oz! I also enjoyed going on a picnic with your daddy! We got the carpets cleaned on Saturday so were trying to think of something fun to do while they dried. I did all of your laundry (newborn to 0-3 months) washed all your blankets and other washable baby stuff. I installed your carseat and packed your hospital bag! It was a busy weekend but I got a lot done and prepared for you. I also went to the pool 3 times this weekend. It was amazing.

Worst moment(s) this week: Being so slow when walking!

Miss Anything: Lots

Movement: Yes - you're a crazy girl!
Belly Button in or out: Out
Wedding rings on or off: Off
Mood: Happy and nervous!
Weekly Wisdom: Go swimming as much as possible!

Symptoms: Pretty much the same as last week swollen and puffy, BHs are more frequent, I usually wake up with swollen and numb hands. I also wake up with a puffy face!

Looking forward to: Attempting to make you a few headbands and of course seeing your face in person and being able to kiss those chubby cheeks! 

In Other News...

Just look at your face...the most beautiful baby I've ever seen...

On our picnic

What's in my Hospital Bag

I just packed my hospital bag...Now what am I forgetting?!

1. Robe I don't mind getting dirty 2. Zip-up light jacket 3. Nursing Tank 4. 2 Nursing Bras 5. 2 Pairs of grip socks 6. 3 Pairs of granny panties 7. Bathroom bag 8. 2 Loose fitting comfy tops 9. Comfy shorts and sweats 10. Going home outfit - Black sweats and a white loose top

1. Shampoo/Conditioner 2. Bar soap 3. Face wash 4. Razor (just in case!) 5. #1 Favorite chap stick 6. Body and Face lotion 7. Deodorant 8. Lanolin 9. Contact case, contact solution and extra contacts 10. Mousse 11. Make-up remover 12. Extra hair ties and bobby pins 13. Lavender spray (for labor) 14. Prenatal vitamins 15. Q-tips 16. Toothbrush, floss and toothpaste 

Don't forget:

Glasses and glasses case

Night guard and case

Blow dryer, diffuser, straightener and hair brush

Make up

Camera and camera bag

Phone charger

letter to baby #19

My little girl,

The anticipation of your arrival has made me feel like I've been pregnant for 2 years. On the other hand, knowing (or thinking I know) the physical, emotional, and financial responsibilities it takes to have and raise a child makes me feel like pregnancy just isn't quite long enough. 

I'm going to be very honest with you and someday you'll understand just what I'm feeling. 

I am scared. 

I'm scared to give birth, even though everyone says I'll be fine, we just don't know for sure what all could go wrong and just how painful this is going to be. I'm scared that I won't have enough energy to stay up with you, feed you, continue working, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and maintaing my home. That I might not know what each cry means. I'm scared that I'll struggle with post pardum depression. 

That your dad and I will be so exhausted from lack of sleep and undergoing such an emotional change that we'll say unkind things to each other. I'm scared the distractions of our new life will push your dad and I apart. I might not be able to nurse. I'm scared that something will happen to your dad and it will be just me and you - on our own.

Tonight I was working on your welcome home chalkboard and started to ball my eyes out thinking you might not ever make it "home." 10,000 Reasons was playing on Pandora and I had to tell myself that whatever does happen, it's all a part of God's perfect plan, and that there will always be "10,000 reasons to for my heart to sing." I then began to sob even harder thinking that God does have the power to take you from me, and I'll need to be OK with that.

The blessing in that very sad (and probably irrational) moment was the harder I cried, the harder you kicked and wiggled. I wrapped my arms around my belly and thanked God for the moments I have had with you. For the tiny kicks you've given me, for the stretches and flips that I've been able to feel. I might not ever be able to get pregnant again, or be able to bring you into our home, but I will get to meet you someday. I felt like your kicks were my reminder that I should enjoy what I have now and now worry about the future - that's out of my control.

There are so many other fears I have about becoming a mother, but I just can't dwell on all of them. Even though I'm terrified about so many aspects of motherhood, I'm also excited and up for the challenge. 

I know I'm contradicting myself going from fear to excitement - but that's what happens to women (it's not just the pregnancy hormones!)

With everyday, the fear slowly drips away (unless of course I have a crazy irrational scenario run through my mind in a downward spiral) and the excitement has started to build.

I had a dream a few weeks ago that you were here. And you were beautiful! I woke up so excited to meet you.

I can't wait to snuggle with you on the couch, let you sleep on my chest, change your diapers (yes, I'm excited for that - I'll probably change my mind a few weeks after your born), give you baths, listen to you make squeaks and coos. I can't wait to watch you kick your crazy legs, you certainly move them a lot now!

And what I think I'm most excited about it watching you and your daddy cuddle. My heart already melts at the idea of watching him care for you.

Love,

your anxious, excited, and possibly irrational Mama

Bump 36 weeks!

How far along: 36 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 30+

Maternity clothes: Yes, although I can still squeeze into some "normal" clothes!

Have you started to show yet: Yes
Stretch marks: Very tiny one where my belly button piercing once was (don't EVER pierce your belly button! It's not cute, no matter how old you are. I was stupid.)
Sleep: Been a better week! I got to sleep past 9am Saturday AND Sunday!

Food cravings: Ice, ice water, peanut butter & grape jelly toast still
Anything making you queasy or sick: No
Best moment(s) this week: Having Thursday off for the 4th of July - I cleaned the kitchen so my spring cleaning is almost done! We went to some friends for fireworks Thursday and Friday and officially celebrated our 5 year anniversary by going to Outback Saturday night!

Worst moment(s) this week: Feeling super swollen this week. 

Miss Anything: Lots

Movement: Yes!
Belly Button in or out: Out
Wedding rings on or off: Off
Mood: Happy and nervous!
Weekly Wisdom: Prop your feet up as much as possible!

Symptoms: Very swollen and puffy, BHs are more frequent, I usually wake up with swollen and numb hands. I also wake up with a puffy face!

Looking forward to: Finishing up my spring cleaning. Having another ultrasound this week! Then doing your laundry (I wanted to wait until we OFFICIALLY know that you're a girl before we wash all your clothes!).

In Other News...

Kari made a very yummy mock-tail, it tasted a little like a margarita sans tequila :) We enjoyed our tasty drinks on the bird couch chatting and laughing the night away - like usual. I don't have the recipe but it was orange juice, grapefruit juice, frozen limeade, and ice all mixed together with a blender. 

Before our Outback date night...